2013年5月25日星期六

Life of paradox

好累
昨晚发现某个我一直努力向她证明自己的人
原来从来不曾为我感觉到丝毫骄傲
为什么看过最多我眼泪的人
却会也是最不谅解我的人

今天瞬间明白
我的家人把我当废材
我喜欢的人把我当小丑
喜欢我的人把我当病人
哈哈
真无奈

亲爱的家人
很抱歉你们始终只能看见我的懦弱
但我没法酝酿一个alpha人生
我想我还是情愿平庸多过不自在地成功

给我喜欢的人
我是习惯在朋友面前嬉皮笑脸没错
但嬉皮笑脸不等于我不懂爱
你也许不明白
我过去在你面前的笑
都是源自你给我的快乐
蔡健雅的《空白格》
与你合唱时气氛太和谐没留意歌词
今天再听
眼泪很老实地夺出眼眶

给喜欢我的人
眼看你一步一步地放弃做你自己
我是真的一点也不好过
请好好的生活
为了你自己



2013年5月16日星期四

Be kind to one another

其实在过去几个星期
我写了好多好多篇草稿
但是不知道为什么
一个也没发布
感觉原来即使是自己的blog
也不能把自己的所有展现出来
也许是我顾虑太多了吧
我这几天来来去去
都在想着同一个问题
说真的
芸芸众生都是来到这个世界上
展开一段叫作《生命》的旅程
之所以唤为旅程
是因为我们明白
我们无法永恒逗留在
那旅游的目的地
旅程一圆
我们将回到最初的地方
我们或许可以把一些当地的纪念品留在身边
但始终无法拥有那地方
如果我们了解这道理
我们应该明白
今世以后我们什么也带不走
除了记忆
然而
我们可以决定
留在我们身边的记忆是美好的,还是只有悔恨
与此同时
我们亦可决定我们留给别人的记忆是美好的,还是只有遗憾
别再抓着不属于的
别糟蹋了值得拥有的
Be kind to one another

2013年4月27日星期六

Written on a 4.30am, so neither me nor u should be blamed if u can't follow what I wrote

Back at high school,
I resented about how hard it was to find someone who really know me
someone who really share much common interest with me
Coz we all were like a pro-form
We hadn't get to choose what to major, which career to focus on back then
So, for ppl like me who was like having an artist soul stucked in a science class, life could be hard
Moving to uni,
I was very excited at first to have a bunch of coursemates and friends who share the same major and certain interest
Especially it's psychology I'm majoring in, so we can pretty much relate the theories and sometimes some psychological disorder to our own life, be them bullshit or not
And I thought yeah, I can finally find some friends that we can share almost every topic
Turn out I was quite wrong
Just because of having a same major, ppl are being quite reserved
Some even seems to be trying to exploit one another
Don't get me wrong, I think these actually apply to almost every major but not just Psych
Yeah, perhaps it has sth to do with evolutionary psych
but how can we be sure is that the actual explanation or just an excuse for ppl's selfish mindset and behavior?
From times to times I feel most comfortable being alone rather than in a crowd
It was not that my friends aren't good
In fact they are great
Just that I realize in the world nowadays, friends and company may not be (and to an extent shouldn't be) the primary source of happiness and joy
Happiness should be come from innerself mate
so one can feel happy no matter how worse would the situation and the environment change into
Even though the world seems like welcoming different voices and opinions
there are in fact not many ppl ready to listen, ready to absorb all that voices
too much output
But then it's very likely my future job would require me to be a people person
so still have to train myself to meet that requirement
Can't follow the flow of this post eh?
Nvm, neither do I =)


2013年3月28日星期四

The Ellen Show @ Melbourne

Yeah, so I went to The Ellen Show at Birrarung Marr yesterday
Around 30 degree celsius, at a desert-like-clearing with sands attacking every eye
I had a phonetic lecture that I was really reluctant to attend before rushing to the Birrarung Marr at 11am
But the fact that some diehard fans had been lining up there since 4am had somehow slightly relieved my remorse
It was like I couldn't get myself a "fengshui spot" even if I skipped my lecture and arrive earlier anyway
I only managed to get myself a spot about 30 metres from the relay screen
So, after standing in the sun for 1 hour, Ellen and Portia finally showed up
Before this I only got to watch her shows thru Youtube and that moment I learnt that I was her at the same city, same area, though I didn't get to see her in person,directly at the moment
So then, Ellen Degeneres, had been really generous, as her name suggests, by giving away some surprise donation and free tix to US to some contestants, and lots of other freebies to the audiences at the main stage. The whole show is about fun, jokes, music, laughter and dance.
Portia didn't really appear much but the couple's really cute and deserve lots of blessing.
She finally managed to show her love one the place that she grew up from, the place she spent her childhood from and I guess the trip would be really memorable for the two of them.
Ellen has been so amazing and unbelievable, that day I finally witness the possibility of human being to be so positive, despite of the pressure around, she still can be happy, bold, funny, caring, sensible, energetic, grateful, kind...Such perfect personality, such goodness!
She knows how to keep it up and achieve a dream and yet never forget to help the others achieve their dream.
I truly hope Ellen and Rossi will be staying together no matter what happens in the future. With the inspiration resulted from they inspiring each other, people knows that they could strive to be better person.
Also, with the crowd of thousands ppl at that event, I realize that thr are still bunch of Australians that really care much about equality (unless some simply went for the comedy element), that really reminds me of the adorable Australians that defended the Sri Lankan asylum seekers. Long live Aussie!
On the way back to my uni, I managed to grab an ellen tennisball (the event giveaway by Ellen), so it actually makes my days, to date, haha 

2013年3月4日星期一

无状态

我知道22楼不算太高
但是在无法入眠的夜晚
平躺在床上望着窗外
我还是会想像自己在云层暸望这世界
正确来说 是被Melbourne CBD影子笼罩着的城市边缘
酒后的男女亢奋地把自己的心声传到上空
第二天早上还是得赶上10点前的电车
今天你我再遇到难以释怀的人事物
从天空--上帝的角度看来不过如此
都是些破事儿
我们的梦想不过如此
试想想
我们零零种种的心灵
从前也许是处于无状态
不悲不喜,不生不灭,不来不去,不爱不恨
无状态
到了某一天我们突然被赋予觉得沉闷的能力
便创造了这世界
但久而久之反倒被自己念力创造出来的世界牵引着
难怪 因为它如此真实 如此难以被弃舍
从此 我们奔波都为了手上的剧本
不愿离开这个舞台
把错觉当感觉
把成功当终站
手上的剧本一换再换
我们还是脱离不了戏子命
还用自己设计的折磨来安抚自己的良心
可悲吗?这也许浪漫
浪漫吗?这或许可悲
即使选择活在当下
当下转眼逝去
我们手握着的连流沙也不是
凡走过必留痕迹
但回归到了那个原始状态
你我即非相识 也非分离
即非熟悉 也非陌生
没有相识的依据 所以没有重逢
不会有所感慨
也不会寂寞
不属于 不离开 甚至不存在
很无聊吧?
但我还是会向往


2013年1月20日星期日

回头beh下2012

现在才意识到我都没有好好总结一下我的2012
我的2012啊
前大半都在用念力期许末日能真的发生
我从不认为自己是个过度邪恶的人
只是觉得地球是该歇息一下
呵呵

年中的时光都挥霍在学业和酌量的玩乐
但全都发生在墨尔本
从墨尔本回来
总觉得我错过了什么,也拾到了一些什么
但脑里也没法清清楚楚地列出这一切一切的增增减减
学业还算过得去啦
不过还得过了接下来的这个sem我才算否极泰来

人际方面
算Pass啦
交了几个磁场蛮相近的朋友
参与了一个戏剧制作团队
ok ok 啦

感情篇呐
今年告白过
也被人告白过
尽管两者并非同一人
我好想好好感恩向我告白过的人
至少你们让我知道总有人欣赏我的固执
至于我告白过的
虽然并没有给予我正面回应
但告白那晚我睡得很熟
所以也算是我在努力减少人生遗憾的一个里程碑
毕竟要解开一个封了6年的秘密也不容易啊
往后的事 就管它一切随缘好了

健康篇嘛
今年不能再沉浸于澳洲的标准食量了

Overall, 2012 我的成长过关啦!

2012年12月16日星期日

我以为实际的支持是种体贴
殊不知你一直都当我在献殷勤